Is it time to Persuade or Negotiate?
Somebody once said that the definition
of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again but
expecting a different result. Everyone laughs (a bit nervously)when
they hear that because we all know that it is true and that we are
culprits - we're all a little bit stupid if you will.
Despite the fact that we know we're
doing it, and the result isn't changing, we continue to do it
either because it's easy or because it's become a habit. The "it"
can be many things but often when we're faced with a difference of
opinion or the need to get somebody to agree to do something, the
"it" in question is PERSUASION.
The Princeton Online Dictionary
defines Persuasion as 'communication intended to produce a belief
or an action' - now that sounds easy but of course most people
already have their own beliefs and tend to act accordingly.
We seem to kid ourselves that if we keep telling the other
person that they are wrong and we are right, at some point they
will miraculously change their mind, slap themselves on the
forehead, acknowledge our brilliance and agree to see the world the
way we do. That doesn't often happen though because most people
hold fairly strongly to their views and tend not to be swayed by
the other party's logic. Just watch any Parliamentary debate, two
kids arguing over who should get the last doughnut in the pack or a
couple of blokes in the pub arguing about who will win on the
weekend by comparing the relative merits of their favourite
football teams.
Negotiating is defined differently - 'the process by which
parties in conflict adjust their positions by trading issues'.
So, what is the difference between persuading and negotiating in
practice?
Persuasion is about telling. It involves explaining,
influencing, selling, convincing, challenging, debating,
urging.
Negotiation is about trading. In order to trade effectively the
parties in conflict need lots of information. Negotiating dialogue
involves lots of questions, exploring needs, constraints, motives
and priorities, discovering the other party's interests and
inhibitions, their fears and aspirations. The purpose is to create
better understanding on both sides, so that appropriate trading
opportunities become more obvious.
Of course the two approaches aren't mutually exclusive; the
dialogue between to parties with different views and objectives
will "see-saw" between persuasion and negotiation dialogue as the
discussion progresses and there are areas of overlap when we're
providing information as part of negotiating dialogue or asking
questions as part of persuasion.
Generally people spend far more time persuading than engaging in
negotiating dialogue. The reason? We all love our own logic and
views and we tend not to be terribly interested in the other
party's logic and views (other than to disagree with them).
Persuasion seems easy - we all learn to do it in childhood - so we
tend to fall back on using persuasion as a means of getting the
other party to change their position as a matter of habit. On
the other hand, negotiating dialogue is difficult - we have to be
genuinely interested in the other party's views, beliefs and logic,
not so we can find a million ways of disagreeing with them but
rather so we can find ways of trading with them.
Persuasion is only likely to work effectively when the other
party isn't in full possession of the facts. Persuasion is designed
to change their minds on the basis of new information or a change
in emphasis. The key to unlocking the power of persuasion is to
present our views and information in a form that is "heard"
effectively by the other party. One of the reasons that persuasion
so often fails to sway the other party is that we use arguments
that sound persuasive to us, which of course assumes that the other
party thinks the way we do; not necessarily a safe assumption.
Effective persuasion relies on understanding that the other party
may well think differently from us and being prepared to craft our
message accordingly.
Negotiation is more appropriate when both parties recognise that
there is a negotiating, or trading, opportunity. This could be a
need to resolve a conflict (for example handling a complaint) or
where the parties have different needs or expectations (for example
on price, or service requirements). As a result they might have to
find a result that's different from their original positions.
Both persuasion and negotiation are important skills we can use
to achieve agreement but it is very important to recognise when to
persuade and when to negotiate and take the appropriate path.
Finding yourself saying the same thing over and over again and
continuing to get the same response from the other party is
probably an indication that either persuasion has run its course or
we're using our logic rather than framing our ideas and information
using the language and logic of the other party.
If you find yourself at that point, avoid joining the ranks of
the stupid and reframe your messages to be more persuasive or
switch to negotiating dialogue - you're far more likely to get a
result.
Dr Melinda Muth
Managing Director
Streamwise Learning
Streamwise Learning is an alliance partner of Scotwork that
offers a 1 day program on Persuasion and Influencing Skills.
Is it time to negotiate more effectively? Please contact us, view upcoming course
dates or find
out more.
*Article Ref. Stephen White - Scotwork UK
Contact us:
Call 02 9211 3999
Email info.au@scotwork.com
Download our
Brochure 
: