Negotiating Tip
Don't put your foot in it - put their words
in your mouth!
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| Keith Stacey |
It may sound slightly unhygienic
but it is far better than putting your foot in it! You may also
find that you become a better negotiator as a result.
Our ability to communicate defines us as a highly evolved species.
This ability has been fundamental to our evolution from nomadic
hunter gatherers to knowledge workers in cyberspace. In fact, when
you think of it the degree of planning, coordination and execution
necessary to successfully hunt a woolly mammoth while avoiding
being eaten by a sabre-toothed tiger is not that much of an
evolutionary gap.
Theodore Zeldin in his wonderful essay, "Conversation: How Talk
Can Change Your Life" proposes that real conversation can change
the way that you see the world and can change you as a result. It
is far more than just sending and receiving information. We need to
be prepared to change as we enter into these conversations. To
quote Zeldin, " Conversation is a meeting of minds with different
memories and habits. When minds meet, they don't just exchange
facts: they transform them, reshape them, draw different
implications from them, engage in new trains of thought." The
question is how do we realise that potential.
One way is to have something interesting to contribute by way of
an experience, a thought and a point of view. Another key skill is
to engage with the other party through listening to what they say.
A recent profile of the last remaining investment bank on Wall
Street, Goldman Sachs, stated that the firm was the world's biggest
user of voice mail. Their staff constantly go out and talk to
people to find out what is happening or about to happen. People are
prepared to have these conversations because they also provide
something of value in return. They understand the importance of
reciprocity. However the key differentiator from them and their
less successful competitors, is that they understand that
information is more invaluable when it is shared. Hence the sheer
volume of voice-mail as these new insights are shared throughout
the firm.
You may remember from the Scotwork
program that part of the argue step is to understand the others
position, not to "win" . Therefore, listening is a must skill
to have in all forms of negotiations.
A survey reported by Robert Bolton
in "People Skills" reports that listening takes up more of our
waking hours than any other activity. Talking took up 30% while
listening was 45%. But listening is far more than hearing. In fact
there are 12 separate skills according to Bolton in listening
spread over three clusters.
They are:
Attending Skills
- A posture of involvement
- Appropriate body motion
- Eye contact
- Nondistracting environment
Following Skills
- Door openers
- Minimal encouragers
- Infrequent questions
- Attentive silence
Reflecting Skills
- Paraphrasing
- Reflecting Feelings
- Reflecting meanings
- Summative reflections
If you find this list daunting it may be appropriate to have a
conversation with someone about the whole topic.Both books are
recommended reading:
Robert Bolton, People Skills , Simon and Schuster ISBN
0 7318 0031 1
Theodore Zeldin, Conversation, Harvill Press ISBN 1
86046 767 9
By Keith
Stacey
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