Be Careful Being Mr Nice Guy
I
recently ran a Scotwork Advanced Negotiation Skills course in a
hotel where the coffee break was served in the main meeting room
whilst some of the participants prepared for their negotiating
exercise in a room at the very end of the corridor. Because they
were missing all the food, to be fair to them I assembled a big
plate of sandwiches, cakes and biscuits and took it to them. The
three young ladies looked at the plate and looked at me, and in one
voice said "where's the coffee?"
I should have known better than to expect any other reaction. In
every course, particularly in the earliest live exercises we watch
some participants demonstrate good will by giving unconditionally
to the other party. When asked why they do this they reply that
they believe that a good will gesture / gift / flexibility sets up
a co-operative atmosphere as a first step to a "win-win" deal.
However whenever I see demonstrations of good will, I find myself
saying "oops!" under my breath.
We can often predict what happens as a response to good will and
this to most people is shocking. Perhaps to be convinced by what I
am saying you have to attend one of our courses but whether you
believe it or not, the rewarded party having received something for
nothing as if by reflex asks for more. When one party unilaterally
gives something without placing any condition upon the concession
this creates greed in the receiving party. We have witnessed this
many hundreds of times, that this is a basic human condition, we
simply cannot stop ourselves.
Most people would say that the side who simply take without
returning the "favour" are the party that cause the process to fall
apart. A negotiating consultant however will tell you that goodwill
is a catalyst of negotiation breakdown. Of course without
concessions there can be no negotiation, negotiation is about
giving to get, this trading process is essential to any
negotiation, and this despite the favoured battle cries of
politicians and union leaders alike.. "No concessions". However,
unless you ensure that you are receiving something balanced in
return for your concession... (balance will be the perception of
the other as opposed to fact) you may find yourself on a very long
very slippery slope.
Even worse than the triggering of this human reflex, unconditional
concessions, gestures, goodwill send the signal that you have much
more to give. This creates expectations in the receiving party that
further tilt the balance against you, and thereafter the sudden
cessation of your demonstrated good will may (against the
background of the precedent of your earlier generosity) even be
viewed as inflexibility and unreasonableness on your part, the very
opposite of that which was intended.
Further, if the other party receives a concession from you
without cost, they generally place very little value upon it.
Often we see that party A having given concessions to the point
from which they have no more to give, their limit position, then
say to party B... "we have shown our good will, now it's your
turn". Again "oops!" maybe even "ouch!". So far I have not come
across anybody who in response says "you are right" and returns the
favour.. it is simply not in our nature. Worse, because party A
have reached their limit position, the negotiation process being a
process of concession and corresponding condition grinds to halt
for the simple reason that party A have nothing more to give, and
cannot trade any more. They cannot move party B in their direction
and their positions remain too far apart for agreement.
If you ever have the feeling that the other party has been
unreasonable, please undertake a negotiation health check and ask
yourself whether or not this is the result of your having given
without getting in return with the intent to demonstrate good
intent, flexibility, "reasonableness". If that's the feeling you
are left with, at the risk of being "in your face" the breakdown of
the deal is probably your fault. Let's face it trying it our way
will definitely NOT cost you more, you will certainly get more from
the deal, you will even see that the other party will value your
concessions more highly and you will create a sense of balance in
the deal which suggests well for future meetings.
Good will is a long slippery slope... create conditions before you
give things away and level the playing field.
Mike Freedman
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Copyright Negotiating Skills Australia 2011
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