Do Women Give Away More Than Men?
Here we are in 2010 , and the average weekly wage for a woman
working full time is on average 18 per cent less than the average
pay for men, putting the gap at the same level it was in 1972 . In
the last 12 months the pay gap grew by $7.90 per week, this means
women will have to work three days longer in 2010 than 2009 to
reach an equal pay packet. Why?
Could it be that women simply "give away" their effort without
asking for anything in return? Women often expect that they will be
rewarded for their efforts because they deserve to be.
Women tend to worry much more than men about the impact of their
actions on their relationships. Many will be less direct, or modify
their behaviour in order to protect those
relationships. So rather than ask for what they want, a
common approach is to try and be 'more deserving', hoping they will
be rewarded without asking. Perhaps this is what places some
women in a position of weakness.
Over the years I have had the opportunity to mentor young women
and I have often heard, "I am going to work so much harder than my
colleagues in my competitive work environment and then at
performance review time, I will be appropriately rewarded".
The review comes around and the inevitable lack of money backs up
the acknowledgement of their effort. They are demoralized and often
pull back their effort to more normal levels, only to have their
commitment questioned by their employer.....
There is truth to the saying: "You don't get what you deserve,
you get what you negotiate.". If you want something, you have to
ask for it. You need to be direct and specific. You need to
structure the expectations of your work/life balance from the day
you start. If you feel you are not being appropriately
rewarded, then be prepared and go in with a realistic proposal
asking for what you want and what you are prepared to do in
return.
For those of us with Children, we are very accustomed to direct
and specific questions like; "Mom, can I go...? Can you buy
me...?". When they ask for something, we would very rarely
think to give them what they had asked for without seeking
something in return. "You want to go to the Movies? Well on the
condition your room is clean before you go, then you can go to the
movies." or "You want the new Dora Explorer doll? Well as long as
you always pick up your toys after you play with them, I will get
you the new Dora Explorer doll." (remember always cabbage
before the ice-cream) It just comes instinctively.Yet at work, and
often in our relationships or with our partners, we throw elk
steaks everywhere. We stay back and finish that report, we do
all the housework, we do all the cooking and running around and
then feel underappreciated. Well : did we ask for help?
Did we trade all that effort for something in return?
Linda Babcock , Professor of Economics at Carnegie Mellon
University outlined in her book "Ask for it" the overwhelming
evidence that women are much less likely than men to use
negotiation skills to promote their goals and wishes. Of
course, the message isn't that women need to act more like men in
the workplace. Plenty of evidence supports the claim that
women make better managers. However, if you are holding on to
expectations that your long hours of slogging it out will be
rewarded down the track, you do leave yourself vulnerable. We don't
see many burning martyrs in top leadership roles do we?
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that all women "give away"
effort. There are women who are not frightened to ask at all.
Of course, those women are often considered "pushy" and "difficult"
rather than simply "ambitious" like their male counterparts.
Sadly there seems to be a double standard at work by which each
gender's actions are judged.
I think the more of us who ask and who don't "give
away" their efforts, the more likely we are to close the wages
gap and have men and woman paid equally. Let's make 'asking for
what we want' become more of the norm.
Yasmin King
Thankfully the mother of two daughters who have learnt to
ask for what they want.
If you are not sure what it means to elk effort then perhaps
it's time to attend a Scotwork
course.
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*Image "women like men only cheaper" from Rhapsody in
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