Ever Been Told You Can’t Speak When Negotiating?

What happened next is a lesson every negotiator should understand.

 

During a mediation, we experienced a moment that seemed almost too strange to be real.

Both parties were present with their lawyers. And as we began reading our opening statement, the other side’s lawyer interrupted and insisted that only our lawyer should speak. Things proceeded with the lawyers reading the opening statements.

We sat there quietly.

It was awkward and felt like we were in an episode of Utopia. But it was also revealing because it told us almost everything we needed to know about their real drivers.

 
In negotiations we often hear people say things like:


“Let’s keep emotion out of this”

and  

“This is just about the commercials”
 

Yet those same people can be driven by pride, fear, status, history, loyalty, resentment, ego, or a need to save face. And because admitting those drivers may make them appear irrational, they’ll often disguise them behind spreadsheets, policies, legal arguments or commercial justifications.

 
If you only negotiate with the reasons they’re giving you, you may never reach the reasons that actually matter. That’s why experienced negotiators don’t expect to jump straight to solutions.

 
The first job is understanding.

 
Prepare questions that test assumptions. Explore what sits behind positions. Be curious about what matters most to the other side, especially when the other side’s behaviour makes little sense to you.

 
You won’t always predict their motivations, but good negotiating process uncovers them. The goal isn’t to agree with how they see the world, or even to convince them they should see it differently. Your job is to understand their reality well enough to negotiate within it.

 
Because once you’re negotiating with what is actually driving decisions, not what people claim is driving them, you give yourself far more options, a far better shot to influence, and a much greater chance of reaching an agreement that works.

 
Does your team prepare as thoroughly for the people across the table as they do for the numbers on the spreadsheet?

 
If your preparation is mostly about getting your arguments in order, you’re probably missing something critical.
 

Great negotiators don’t just prepare their case. They prepare to uncover the other side’s.


Get in touch if you’d like to help your team move beyond positions and uncover what’s really driving decisions.