The Cost of Keeping Your Cards Close

We like to think we’re rational, assess situations clearly, say what we mean and listen well… but we know that tends to be wishful thinking… and the real world is somewhat messier and incomplete. 


Give someone incomplete information, a bit of context, and a hint of emotion… and they will be exceptionally good at filling in the gaps… usually with the wrong story.

A good friend of mine crashed his paraglider coming in to land.


He was caught in a rotor 20m above the cliff face… a washing machine of confused air tumbling over the rock face 


His paragliding wing was instantly collapsed and he dropped 20 metres with the full force of gravity onto a steep headland. 


He was lucky to survive the initial impact and tumbled another 60 metres before a tree stopped him from going over the edge onto rocks another 40 metres below.


He was alive, seriously concussed, and unable to walk. His leg was very badly injured.


He made two calls. 
 

• The first to emergency services:“I’ve crashed. My leg is de-gloved. I can’t climb out. I could pass out and roll over the cliff at any moment. Please come quickly..”

• The second to his partner:“Sorry, I won’t be back on time… actually, I’m going to need some help. Can you come to the landing site?.”

He downplayed it massively to his partner not wanting to cause panic. His partner thought the call had ended, but it hadn’t, and he stayed listening as she made her way to the landing zone. 


His partner was reacting to what she thought was a minor inconvenience with frustration, annoyance, and disbelief. As she arrived to the landing zone, he was listening to every thought she uttered out loud:


“I can’t believe there’s an ambulance… police… SES… what an incredible waste of public resources…”


Then his partner heard the Westpac helicopter, it turned and made a landing approach. She realised the story changed instantly. Because reality finally caught up with what she had been led to believe and the assumptions made. 


This was a very serious situation. And because of simple miscommunication, potentially their last few precious minutes together in this world had been wasted in a way that didn’t serve either of them very well. 


This plays out silently in negotiations, every day.


It’s an extreme story, but the pattern is completely normal because people are wired to do this constantly:
 

• We assume intent (“they’re being difficult”)

• We assume constraints (“they must not be able to move on this”)

• We assume stakes (“this isn’t that important to them”)

• We assume fairness (“that’s unreasonable”)

All based on partial information, and then we make assumptions and act on them as if they’re facts.


And who is at fault.. The sender for partial disclosure or the receiver for accepting it? 


The reality is that it is too easy to blame your counterpart for not disclosing more or not asking questions… but it is pointless because nothing will change.


The smart negotiator accepts responsibility for getting a clear picture and makes it happen. 


Most negotiators aren’t short of intelligence… this is a behaviour problem. They are short of the skills, discipline and confidence to actually communicate effectively under pressure. So they hide behind cliches they heard on instagram:
 

• “Keep your cards close to your chest”

• “Don’t show your hand”

• “Protect your position and keep your gunpowder dry”  

The problem with this of course is if you lose out on a deal that you would have happily accepted… deep down your conscience knows the cliche doesn’t cut it… it was an excuse… and the loss of the deal falls squarely on your own shoulders.

One of the most impactful shifts in people after they come on our negotiating courses isn’t clever strategies or tactics… it’s:
 

• They say what they actually mean… clearly and deliberately without making counterparts guess or read between the lines. 

• They explore, test and qualify what they hear… almost always surfacing things that were critical but counterparts were too scared to say. 

• Understanding that more complete and efficient information discovery and disclosure accelerates deals exponentially

Why? Because even though it might look slower, appear unnecessary, and even increase the tension in the room.. Proper information disclosure and discovery is critical to negotiating effectively. 

Right now, many of us are having difficult conversations as the aftermath of the War in Iran trickles through to everything from logistics, materials, and even services. This is when emotions allow assumptions to creep in and silently suffocate even the best negotiating strategies. 


Be brave with your disclosure.


Be disciplined and curious with your listening. 


Because if not, the story in your head… is rarely going to be the one that’s actually being negotiated in theirs.


If you’re tired of losing deals to bad assumptions and partial information, it’s time to shift how your team communicates. Building the confidence to explore, test, and disclose effectively is exactly what we do.


Get in touch to sharpen your team’s capability before the next high-stakes conversation.